Comedy & Satire

I like to hear people laugh. These written pranks were pinned onto bulletin boards, used in skits, or maybe even published.

Short Versions of Operas

Don Giovanni: Leporello, waiting outside Donna Anna’s house, complains about his job serving Don Giovanni. His master emerges from the house, struggling with Donna Anna. Answering her call for help, her father the Commendatore comes out in his nightshirt and challenges Don Giovanni to fight. Don Giovanni urges the old man not to fight him, but they duel. The Commendatore kills Don Giovanni, who dies quickly. Everybody goes back to sleep...

KDED Script

That was “Komm, Susser Tod”—“Come, Sweet Death”—by J. S. Bach. In that performance the Robert Shaw Chorale was conducted by—duh—Robert Shaw. And you’re listening to 86.6, KDED, the last classical radio station on Earth. KDED, all dead white males, all the time. I’m your host, Ben Offt...

Strauss Casts Big Shadow in City of Angels

 

On opening night of Richard Strauss’s Die Frau ohne Schatten at Los Angeles Opera, the conductor came into the pit early, while the woodwinds and other musicians were warming up. The maestro, appearing somewhat agitated, told the musicians that The New York Times critic would be in the audience, so everyone should play especially well.

 

A couple of days later this review appeared on the bulletin board...

L.A. Opera to Commission Tale of Fateful Trip

"... Music Director James Conlon described the project as “a perfect ensemble piece.” He confirmed that tenor Placido Domingo will create the role of The Skipper, whose personality will be captured in an aria titled, 'Okay, Little Buddy.'"...

All the Libretto You'll Ever Need

(Outside Rigoletto’s apartment building. Night.)

SPARAFUCILE: Psst! Anybody I can take care of for you, sir?

RIGOLETTO: Maybe. How much do you charge?

SPAR: Venti scudi.

RIG: Venti scudi! Where am I going to get venti scudi?

SGT. BELCORE (offstage): La la la etc...

Generic Résumé

   (your name here)    is very important and impressive. S/he began performing at an impressively early age, and studied with important, impressive teachers at important, impressive schools. S/he has won lots of important awards, and s/he was the first American to accomplish something important that used to be accomplished only by foreigners...

KZZZ script

 

... and that was “Spring” from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. The soloist was Kenny G, from his new crossover hit album, “Bland Classics for the New Millennium.”

This is KZZZ, classical music for people who aren’t really listening. I’m ____________, and radio is my life. I’ll be your host today for Naptime Masterworks: cheerful but not too exciting music for your Tuesday afternoon...

Opera Heroines with Low Self-Esteem Support Group

Tuesday, March 7, Gilda’s house: Two very special guests! Carmen will coach us in saying “No,” and Tosca will speak to us about “What to Do When He Won’t Take ‘No’ for an Answer.”...