John Steinmetz

bassoonist, composer, writer, satirist, speaker

KZZZ script

by John Steinmetz

...and that was “Spring” from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. The soloist was Kenny G, from his new crossover hit album, “Bland Classics for the New Millenium.”

This is KZZZ, classical music for people who aren’t really listening. I’m ____________, and radio is my life. I’ll be your host today for Naptime Masterworks: cheerful but not too exciting music for your Tuesday afternoon.

This portion of our program is brought to you by SnobAway, proven protection from classical music lovers who just can’t shut up. Now available in either the familiar aerosol or the new convenient roll-on. SnobAway, don’t leave your seat without it.

Remember that every Wednesday is Brandenburg Day, the complete Brandenburg Concertos played all day for 24 hours—all Brandenburgs, all the time. You give us 142 minutes, we’ll give you the Brandenburgs.

...and that was “Spring” from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons, from the Berlin Philharmonic’s new album, “Timeless Classics of Great Music Used in Commercials for Luxury Automobiles.” The soloist was Iona Carr, the conductor was Otto Bahn.

This is KZZZ, classical music for people who aren’t really listening. I’m ____________, and radio is my life. I’m your host for Drivetime Classics, reassuring music to enhance the pleasure of gridlock.

Before we continue, here’s the latest traffic report: tomorrow’s prediction is for dense morning traffic, clearing around midday, with an 80 percent chance of heavy traffic in the late afternoon and evening. Highs will be in the mid-70s, with lows about 20 miles per hour.

And later today don't miss The Diversity Hour, which today will feature "A Salute to Women." The program includes the classic 1952 Vienna recording of Isolde's death scene, followed by a new release of Cio-Cio-San's suicide from Madama Butterfly, as well as Floria's leap to her death at the conclusion of Tosca, and, for a fabulous finale, a rare recording of Richard Strauss conducting as Salome is crushed to death by soldiers. That's today at 11:59 PM--tune in for "A Salute to Women."

…and that was "Spring" from Vivaldi's Four Seasons, played by The Three Violinists, from their debut album, "Move Over Three Tenors, We Want Some of That Money." The Orchestra of Hunks and Babes was conducted by Madonna.

This is KZZZ, classical music for people who aren’t really listening. I’m ____________, and radio is my life. I’m your host today for Really Great Music, the show completely devoted to playing nothing but Really Great Music. It’s really great to be here, and it’s really great to have you with us, listening to the really great music on Really Great Music. Really.

Remember to visit our really great website, where you can learn more about all the Really Great Music we play on Really Great Music, and listen to past programs via screaming audio. Any recording we play on this show can be purchased on our website, and part of the proceeds from every sale go to benefit me. So don’t forget our website, it’s easy, it’s fun, and of course it’s Really Great. Just point your browser to www.KZZZ.org\\ReallyGreat.Music.edu..._..//\//http:!”

[read as “w w w dot KZZZ dot o r g backslash backslash ReallyGreat dot Music dot e d u dot dot dot dash dot dot slash slash backslash slash slash h t t p colon exclamation point comma close quotation”]

Later today I’ll be your host for the Fundraising Hour. For 240 minutes I’ll be talking endlessly about how great the station is, without playing any music, so be sure to stay tuned.

I’m ____________, and radio is my life. This is KZZZ, classical music for people who aren’t really listening.